Help Me Make it Through the Night: Elvis saves the bedwetters

Today's Guardian newspaper contains an excerpt from American writer and comedian Sarah Silverman's memoir, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, published by Faber & Faber. The book describes the trials and tribulations of a teenage (and pre-teen) bedwetter.

Writes Silverman:

On 16 August, 1977, Elvis Presley saved my life.

Poor Sarah, surprised into a sleepver at a friend's house, wakes up in her own customary warmth, but this time in her friend Heather's "way-too-sexy-for-a-six-year-old pyjamas" and sleeping bag.

I do the only thing a terrified zombie can do: I pretend it didn't happen. I get up with the other girls, take off my PJs like the other girls, and change into my clothes. They're so lucky to be able to move through life so effortlessly. I know at six how lucky they are – they probably still don't know.

Mrs Peters walks into the room, and before she can say anything, steps right on to the pile of my sexy urine-soaked pyjamas. My heart stops as I watch her face burn red like a Disney villainess.

"Who did this!?!?!" she screams, with a look of pure fury. I stand there, quietly enduring the world's youngest heart attack, wishing for my fear to somehow transport me. Am I supposed to answer? Is the onus on six-year-old me to fill this silence? And that's when it happens – Mr Peters comes in and grabs his wife, "Elvis Presley died!!!"

The news of the King's death overtook Mrs Peters, and I was spared. Somehow I got home without the other kids knowing what had happened.

In the same Guardian supplement, Enrique Iglesias invites Barack Obama, Michael Jackson, Abraham Lincoln and Elvis to his dream dinner party. Peach ice cream is hard to come by so I hope he's not intent on serving it.

Help Me Make it Through the Night here.

Anyplace is Paradise: Celebrate Elvis's death day at South London Pacific

Yes, I'm advertising. But quite honestly there will be no better place in Britain to pay your respects to the King on Sunday 15th August, the day before his death-day, than South London Pacific - the finest Tiki establishment in all, er, South London (since the Blue Hawaii in Kingston closed). Every year the wondrous host prepares Elvis snacks, there will be Elvis dancing, and the closest you're going to get these last thirty something years to Big El, Black Elvis. Prepare to throw your knickers. I'll be away so if anyone wants to report, please do, and get me one of those dolls while you're at it.

South London Pacific 340 Kennington Road, London SE11 7SQ Tel: 020 8 672 5972(info) info@hulaboogie.co.uk

SUNDAY 15th August 2010   Roll up roll up for HULA BOOGIE!'s Annual ELVIS TRIBUTE NIGHT with live performance from the astounding tribute artist BLACK ELVIS PLUS Elvis & Elvis related vintage music all night to keep you on the dance floor from resident DJs the exotically glamourous MISS ALOHA         & the very REVEREND BOOGIE

PLUS FREE ELVIS SNACKS!: Authentically created from the Elvis Cookbook!   ELVIS RAFFLE: Buy a ticket an you have a chance to win all manner of Elvis related items .. as well as Blue Hawaii cocktails   and OUR STAR PRIZE: Collectable BARBIE LOVES ELVIS DOLLS

and there is more....

 

DANCE CLASSES!

 

JIVE:  7.30 - 8pm Get some moves down so you can rock n roll the night away!

HUKILAU HULA DANCE CLASS: 8PM - 8.10 join Miss Aloha's internationally sought after Hula Dance Class. (this is the only place in UK you can learn a hula dance regularly!)

 and by special request

 

HANDJIVE CLASS: 8.10 - 8.15pm - Reverend Boogie will guide you through the classic 1950s novelty dance.

 

   

MUSIC, COCKTAILS, KITSCH SNACKS,  BURLESQUE,

AND DANCING

'TIL PAST MIDNIGHT

 

 

WWW.HULABOOGIE.CO.UK

There Goes My Everything (or does it): August bits of Elvis for sale (or not)

Paddy Power gives these odds on the winning bid for Elvis' white piano with gold trim, which is to be auctioned on 14th August along with an array of other Elvis goodies:

11/4     Under $500,000
 9/4     $500,000 - $999,999
 5/2     $1,000,000 - $1,499,999
 5/1     $1,500,000 - $1,999,999
 6/1     $2,000,000 - $2,499,999
 3/1     $2,500,000 or over

Not quite what you're after? Pick yourself up a diamond ring, a Triumph TR-6 and many more bits of Elvis tat.

Doesn't tickle your fancy? How about disgraced former Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich's life-sized statue of the King in white marble, to be auctioned if he doesn't pay his bills by August 14th.

Not for you, having been withdrawn from yet another auction, are autopsy tools that were or were not used on Elvis' body at the Memphis Funeral Home. A senior embalmer apparently took home the tools and had given them up for auction by Leslie Hindman Auctioneers, but following a threat of action by the funeral home, the tools have been returned. A spokesperson said that the tools had continued in use and it was not possible to verify the authenticity of these particular nick-nacks. Also in the lot was a replica of the 'John Doe' toe-tag, the original having been stolen by a fan. The tools were expected to have raised $10,000 - $14,000.

Thanks: Paul Graves-Brown
Pic: Ho/Reuters